Testing the Waters

Poor Poor Corey....

2006-11-29T10:41:00.000-08:00

Just to confirm it's finality, Corey Feldman beats his carreer further into the ground.

Dexter

2006-11-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

If anyone is watching Dexter on Showtime, as religiously as Charlie and I, you'll know how easy it is to be sucked into the show. It's clever and witty and really hard to not like Dexter and even fantasize about him....ahem..... The show has an interesting sub plot aswell. I'm hooked! And just for the record, I totally called the doctor!

Charlie and I were talking one day about writers having a hard time coming up with new ideas for shows (shows are getting very dry and done over and over again. Not to name any names like, CSI or anything, but we feel that they are occasionally "reaching" for new ideas.) and he mentioned how interesting it would be if there was a forensic pathologist who was the serial killer and could easily manipulate the system from the inside to get away with the crime.

Low and behold! Dexter!

He's a totally likeable character even though he's a vicious killer and seems to have a few psychological "skeletons" in his closet. Pun intended. But who doesn't, when you're a sociopath! Dexter is a serial killer with a conscience and only takes the lives of the wicked and evil. That makes us love him even more. "gush gush" Not to mention that Dexter is a really cool name. Charlie wants to name our next child Dexter, if it's a boy.

If you get a chance, watch it! You won't be sorry.

Happy watching!

Careful! She just......ate.

2006-11-26T18:40:00.000-08:00

How many innocent people does this happen to? The 'ol, "baby above you, aiming for your own stupid pie hole after she's just had her fill". Luckily we have a sense of humour and I made Charlie wait until I could find the camera and take a few pics. Ah, those sweet Kodak moments.

Cable Ski

2006-11-26T18:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, this is an awesome opportunity for all involved! Feel free to read the letter below and if you are so inclined, fill out the survey. They need all of the support and optomism you can give!

Dear Katharine:

Thank you for contacting me regarding the proposed Cable Ski Park at Santee Lakes. We think the proposed project will be a tremendous recreational opportunity for the children and families of Santee. The cable park concept opens water sports to a completely new segment of the community... those that do not have access to or own boats. It will provide school-aged children with a healthy after-school option.

The park will also generate sales tax revenue for the City and provide dollars for improvements to Santee Lakes. As you may know Padre Dam MWD owns and operates Santee Lakes. It is a self-funded park and campground. Santee Lakes does not receive tax or rate payer subsidy and must generate revenue to maintain it's self-sufficiency. The cable ski park will be another source of revenue that will enable the park to continue it's financial success and independence.
I want to encourage you to visit our website at www.santeelakes.com and click the link to the "Proposed Cable Ski Park". The site has a lot of information about the project including video, photo simulations, renderings and FAQ.

This project is dangerously close to being abandon due to a number of vocal opponents. They do not want to see the park built. If this project is to be successful, citizens will need to mobilize and let there opinions be heard.

There are several ways to do that:

1. email your Santee City Council at: boards@ci.santee.ca.us
2. complete the survey online if you already haven't done so: www.santeelakes.com click on "Proposed Cable Ski Park". Let us know we have your support.
3. Attend the public meetings and REQUEST TO SPEAK to voice your support.
4. Ask friends, family and neighbors to do all of the above along with you.
has a 40 year history of service to our community. The Cable Ski Park will provide another beneficial recreation activity to children and families in Santee.

Thank you again for your interest.

Best Regards,

Allen Carlisle
Park & Recreation Manager
Santee Lake Recreation Preserve
Padre Dam Municipal Water District
619-258-4762
acarlisle@padre.org
www.santeelakes.com

Hello??? Anyone there???

2006-11-26T18:26:00.000-08:00

I am here... Sorry to be MIA for so long. I guess I've had a lot on my plate lately. I have a bunch of interesting things to blog about so stay tuned!!!

Suckie Baby

2006-11-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

This baby is always sucking her little hand!! Whether you may or may not know, I am nursing her, and I sometimes have to force her hand out of her mouth so that she can eat! On the bright side, I guess she can self soothe easily enough. But will she need me for much longer??

KIVA!!

2006-11-04T16:49:00.000-08:00

Kiva is up and running! Please check them out, and if you can, please lend! It is such a diplomatic way of lending to people who obviously are very proud and not to mention, talented! Charlie and I are going to start a little fund to lend through Kiva. All the money that is payed back to us will go directly back into the program for another recipiant! It's exciting!!

Please check them out and give someone a chance to succeed in life!

Can't Handle the Flash, Hey?

2006-11-03T21:44:00.000-08:00

We need a new camera. This happens more than often, ruining our Kodak moments!! Stupid thing flashes 50 times before the picture gets taken!

Vaccinations

2006-11-03T19:35:00.000-08:00

Today Charlie and I brought Isabella to the community health clinic for her six month vaccination boosters. It was like bringing her to her own funeral.

Walking into the clinic is always reassuring. Babies coming in cooing and smiling and goo goo-ing. And coming out of the rooms in hysterics, screaming and carrying on!

When we took Isabella to have her second month vaccinations, I ended up crying more than she did! I really thought I'd be a lot stronger than that. The nurse was telling me to reassure her, but I was too busy blubbering to say anything.

Anyway, she ended up doing just fine. She took all three needles like a champ and we decided to get her a flu vaccination and she took that fourth one just as well. As you're probably wondering, I took her vaccinations much better this time around.

A while ago a friend of the family (of whom is a bit of a conspiracy theorist) was lecturing me on vaccinating Isabella, and ended up freaking me out. Inwardly of course. I held very firm with him. He was telling me about the mercury content in vaccinations and that it was more than one human being would ingest in a lifetime and could be a leading cause of autism! So I had to do a little research. The internet may not be the best place to research material as this. I found that you lean one way or another when childhood vaccinations are concerned. It was tough to find a non-biased site for pros and cons.

The CCDR (Canada Communicable Disease Report) concludes:

"Public confidence in vaccines and high rates of vaccine uptake are critical to the continued effectiveness of immunization programs. Even when risks are purely theoretical, experience has shown that unaddressed public concerns can drastically decrease immunization coverage, to the detriment of public health. Thus the call to remove thimerosal (mercury based preservative) from vaccines, seeks to maintain public confidence by avoiding even theoretical risk.

NACI (The National Advisory Committee on Immunization) makes recommendations based on the best available scientific evidence. Vaccine safety is an essential consideration in any recommendation made by NACI. Concerns regarding thimerosal, as reviewed in the 2003 statement, were purely theoretical. Nevertheless, NACI identified them as important issues for further consideration and study. The weight of evidence now available, however, refutes any link between thimerosal and autism. As such, NACI concludes that there is no reason for vaccine providers or other health care professionals who may counsel individuals regarding immunization to raise any concerns regarding exposure to thimerosal. "

Basically the CCDR is telling us that thimerosal is a safe stabilizer in vaccinations. It still freaks me out a little. The health nurse we saw, told us of a case in Western Europe a while ago when, parents were hysterical about vaccinating their children for the fear of the mercury based preservative, thimerosal, and refused to have their babies vaccinated. Children suddenly started coming down with the measles! Some were hospitalized and some even died.

I believe that immunizations are for the health and safety of society. The benefits of vaccinations far out weigh the risks associated with thimerosal. What a strange time it would be if people started breaking out into polio and meningitis! And if your child isn't immunized, they are susceptible to these highly contagious viruses and diseases, unnecessarily!

But that is just my own, personal opinion. I absolutely do not want to insult anyone or push my ideas on anyone. I just believe being Isabella's mother, that vaccinating her is the best for her.
Both Charlie and I got flu shots while we were at the clinic today and it freaking stung! More than I remember a few years ago. Imagine those chubby little legs getting four needles! She must get that strength from her mother. Hee hee hee....

Kiva

2006-10-31T20:58:00.000-08:00

I just saw a segment on Frontline/World about a micro lending company called Kiva! They have been setting up lenders in the US and applicants in Africa. (has expanded to other developing countries) There is a very high success rate and a perfect repayment record! That's 100%! Sounds very inspiring! I tried to check out their site, but they've been so bombarded since the program aired, that their servers completely pooped out!! I will try back tomorrow and keep you posted. In the mean time, keep checking in:
http://www.kiva.org/

Save the Cake!

2006-10-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

A friend and I were talking about how horrific it would be to fall, trip etc.. while holding your baby. Well, it happened to me.

Isabella and I had gone to the zoo with some friends which was a lovely time had by all! I decided to change her little bum bum in the car, just before we were about to leave. After cleaning up a poopy mess, I turned with Isabella in my arms to dispose of the diapie into the trash can. For some unknown force of nature, I rolled my ankle and in turn ended up running to catch up with the trip except I couldn't keep up with the great power of my weight on gravity!

The whole time Isabella's bouncing around in my arms and the only thing I was thinking was, "HOLD ON!! I WON'T LET YOU HIT THE GROUND!" I could feel her slipping in and out of my grip and I tried to tighten my hold on her. It happened so fast, yet it was in slo mo. I remember slowly hitting the cement with my wrist - my hand was covering Isabella's little head. I was trying at every last attempt, to protect her from the ground. I remember feeling something hit the ground like a chucking a peach to the cement. Like a soft thud. I thought it was her head!! Of course I was freaking out thinking that my baby's head was completely torn open with brain exposed or something. But she was reasonaby unscathed. My wrist and knee were shredded, but that was perfectly fine with me! To my relief, she was ok and I had taken the brunt of the fall. She had a red spot on her head but I think it may have been from holding her head so tight on the way down. Of course she was screaming bloody murder and I was searching madly for any signs of brain damage. I was absolutely shaking like a leaf!! I couldn't stop! One of the girls I had gone to the zoo with came running over to see if everything was ok, and I was trying to be brave in front of her. But I'm sure she could see through this because I was shaking so badly! Poor baby screamed for a couple more minutes and then smiled and cooed like nothing ever happened at all. It was me that was having a nervous breakdown.

The other day on the way to a friend's daughter's birthday party, I was carrying a cake that Charlie had made, out to the car. Of course me being in a hurry and running around like an escaped lunatic, I tripped on one of the steps and wiped out.

During my descent to the pavement, I thought, "SAVE THE CAKE! SAVE THE CAKE!" And I did! It came off of the plate in the air, but then plopped back down in a slump.

Charlie looks at me and says, "Jeeze! What's with you lately!?"

Not like, are you ok? Or, oh Katharine, can I help?

Meanwhile I'm writhing in pain. Practically rolling around in agony. I had landed with full force on my knees. The weren't scraped, they were split with the thud of my heaviness.

Thankfully I didn't have Isabealla in my arms at the time. Charlie was holding her. The two of them looking down at me, on the ground, mocking me.

But I saved the cake!

Bad Kitties!!

2006-10-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

These bad kitties are taking over!

http://shadowdane.shackspace.com/cats.htm

Dove's Campaign For Real Beauty

2006-10-24T20:47:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine posted this link and I am compelled to do the same. Please check out her blog at : http://juliewashere.blogspot.com/

Please watch the clip. It has totally moved me. Especially because I have a baby girl. What kind of a world will she grow up in?

Hola Tyra!

2006-10-23T17:23:00.000-07:00

Wow! Check out Tyra possessed over at http://www.mamapop.com/

Scarey shit, man. What has this world come to?

Rockabye Baby

2006-10-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

Discovered these a few weeks ago on Amazon!! I bought Radiohead and of course The Cure. I have to say, though, some of the songs on the Radiohead renditions sound a little creeepy. There are renditions of, Metallica, Radiohead, Coldplay, Pink Floyd, The Cure, Nirvana, Tool, Led Zeppelin, and The Beach Boys. I imagine the Pink Floyd renditions would be pretty good too. I don't know about Tool though. Could start sounding like the batteries are dying on baby's sing along toy....

Supper Tonight

2006-10-20T19:53:00.000-07:00

Started off with:

2 Cookies By George - milk chocolate chunk.
1 750 ml bottle of Pellegrino.

A few hours later:

1 piece of New York cheesecake.
1 cup of tea with sugar and homo milk.
1 Cookie By George - milk chocolate chunk, I couldn't just let it sit there and feel unloved!
1 bag of buttered microwave popcorn.

Jeeze, I wonder why I can't lose a pound? It's a mystery!

Bedtime

2006-10-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

Just put baby Isabella to bed. She smelled like lavender flowers from the wash I used in her tub and I sniffed and sniffed and sniffed her while I was rocking her to sleep. I could have sniffed her and held her little warm chubby body close to me all night. Some people say you should put your baby to bed when she's drowsy and not when they are completely asleep. But I can't help it. I hold her until she's sound asleep. I love listening to her sleepy breathing and her sucking on her little hand. I hold her and nurse her and rock her until she falls asleep in my arms. And reluctantly, I set her into her crib. And everytime I lower her down, she rolls onto her right side and curls her body slightly. She's so precious. I wish I could bring her into bed with us, but she won't allow that. I think she's glad to have her own sleepy time away from me. I tend to smother her a little....

Dying

2006-10-19T18:49:00.000-07:00

I’ve had a bit of an obsession with death lately. I don’t want to die. One day I will die. It scares the shit out of me. Will there be anything on “the other side”? These thoughts have been haunting me for days. For some reason the reality of dying one day, just hit me. The thing is, everyone dies. Everyone on tv, at the grocery store, family members, movie stars, everyone dies. So I’m not alone and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s scared to die. I’ve asked my Mom to give me some kind of sign from “the other side” when she passes to prove that there’s really something out there. The scientist living in my mind tells me that when you die, you die. That’s it. No more life, just a body. You can see why I’m so terrified. I was trying to calculate how many years of life I have and I’m not even half way through yet! Jeeze! I need to let this go! Any suggestions??

Cat Head Theatre

2006-10-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

Need I say more????

Amazement

2006-10-16T18:50:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a friend today about how overwhelming it is to be a Mom. To look at the perfect genetic combination of myself and Charlie. Sometimes it freaks me out a little because it's such an indescribably new emotion. I've never loved someone so much and so differently than anyone else. It's truely amazing. And people that don't have children would never understand that kind of love.

Am I one of those annoying people that talk about their children all the time?? If so, that's ok...

Oldie But a Goodie!

2006-10-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

Love this one. Reminds me of my cheeky little Mommy!

Update - Mental Health

2006-10-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

I’m only on 10 mg’s of Paxil right now. But it’s seriously helping me cope. My doc was telling me that 10 mg’s is relatively safe and if I wanted to go any higher I should consider bottle feeding. So I think I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing unless I feel like I need to up it again.

Yes, when I got preggie I was on Paxil. I have been suffering from a Panic/Anxiety disorder since I was about 16. Although I’ve only been on meds since approx 2000. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I just tried to suppress the feelings I had and pretend that everything was ok. I really thought I was going crazy.

When I met my now husband, Charlie, I seemed to be doing really well for the first couple years of our relationship but then things took a downward spiral, really fast! I was so sick with anxiety that I was a shaking mess. I think what may have triggered the relapse was being rear-ended on my way to work one morning. Anyway, I had become a shell of myself and driving was killing me. There were times that I would have to pull over and collect myself, I was so terrified. I was working on one side of the city and Charlie would take the bus downtown to his job and I would make him take a cab all the way down to where I worked just so he could drive me in my car home. Eventually I had to take temp sick leave from that job because I couldn’t leave the house anymore. Stepping off of my patio would bring waves of debilitating panic! I was officially agoraphobic. Completely housebound.

So, I think that was the last straw for me. I was tired of being sick. I just wanted to be normal and be able to enjoy my life. And most importantly, go to work to support my ass! I had tried some natural stuff like black cohosh tea and behavioral techniques but nothing was fully working for me. I was scared to take the Paxil, but I bit the bullet and got the prescription. After a couple days of taking 20 mg’s I had wicked side effects and one of them was increased anxiety. Fantastic! But I stuck with it and eventually started feeling better. One day I felt so good that I was actually able to step off of my patio. I even walked to the 7/11! Pretty soon I was able to get behind the wheel again and drive myself to work without being stricken with terror!

I was on 20 mg’s of Paxil when Charlie and I conceived our baby. I had searched the internet on pregnancy and Paxil and there was no evidence of any birth defects in any of the records and studies I had read about. Mostly there just wasn’t enough research or controls for scientists to study. So we assumed that it was safe to take during pregnancy. When I was about 6 months pregnant we found a new medical study that came out with a connection between birth defects and Paxil. Of course I was beside myself! I had numerous ultrasounds and thorough check-ups to make sure everything was ok. And it was. Thank God! I managed to wean myself almost completely off of the Paxil. I was down to 3 mg’s at the end of my pregnancy and had no signs of my disorder, strangely enough. I think my hormones were somewhat balanced when I was pregnant and my mind was at rest. My doc would laugh at me for cutting my pills down to practically dust to get 3 mg’s out of them!

When Isabella was born, she was a beautiful, pink, perfect and healthy little babe. I couldn’t be more thankful and humble that she was ok. After we brought her home, the agony started. She ended up being colicky. It was horrible. The minute she woke up she screamed until the minute she went to sleep. I cried and asked why and wanted to run many times. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. I seemed to be fairly mentally capable during all of this. Other than the occasional melt down. But seriously, who wouldn’t feel hopeless after 8 hours of inconsolable screaming.

It wasn’t until Isabella started becoming a normal, healthy, happy baby that I started to feel the anxiety again. I tried my hardest to will it away, but it was always lurking in my mind. I had a panic attack at a friends BBQ while I was holding Isabella and I thought I was going to drop her. Actually I think that’s why I had the panic attack – because I imagined accidentally dropping her on the deck, or the cement. The thought would not leave my head! That’s when it started. After that incident, I was afraid. Afraid of dropping her, afraid of falling down the stairs with her in my arms, afraid of getting into a car accident with her in the car, I was afraid of her. I knew this was not the usual motherly thoughts and feelings. After some time, I knew I had to up my meds. I was on 3 mg’s and went up to 5 mg’s. Hoping that it would work on the lowest possible dose I could take. I did feel better after a while, but once my body got used to the drug, it came back again. The same fears and phobias. This time, I was afraid to drive, the thought of having this little person attached to me for the rest of my life, totally freaked me out! I didn’t feel like that all the time, but I was having those thoughts. It scared me. How could I be afraid of my own beautiful baby??? I was getting the same chaos in my mind as before. I had to up my dose again. So, now I’m on 10 mg’s and feeling ok. I have the occasional bout of anxiety, but if it gets any worse, I know what to do. I’ve given it lots and lots of thought and I’ve decided that I will quit nursing and up my meds again. I don’t want to quit nursing but I’ll have to at some point, and I’ve given Isabella an amazing start. There’s no need to feel sad about it, but I do. And I’ll get over it. But right now, I’m going to just live in the moment and enjoy the time I have breastfeeding her.

Electric Six

2006-10-11T20:34:00.001-07:00

I was driving back from my Mom's house today and listening to Fire - Electric Six.
Such hits as, Dance Commander, Vengance and Passion, and Danger! High Voltage. It's been a while since I've listened to this one. Since the release of their first album, Fire, there's been two more jems! Señor Smoke and Switzerland. The latter I will be purchasing, as I've just been informed of it's release! Damn! I'm out of the loop, again!

Electric Six is electronica and garage in one. Some really great disco and some real hardness to it. (Pun intended) They are simular in styles to say, Tenacious D - humour wise. They are serious and hilarious at the same time.

A friend of mine had posted about how good it feels to just rock out in your car and just being able to let loose!! I let loose as much as I could with my sleeping baby in the backseat. If you can imagine me thrashing and gyrating, and mouthing the words as hard as I could! It was as close to letting loose at I could get! Check out Electric Six's site:
http://www.electricsix.com/

Ugliest Dog Contest

2006-10-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

Compliments of www.snopes.com

Origins: Sam, the above-pictured canine, is a 14-year-old pedigreed Chinese crested owned by Susie Lockheed of Santa Barbara, California. In June 2005, Sam won the "World's Ugliest Dog" title at the Sonoma-Marin Fair contest for the third consecutive year. The Associated Press described Sam thusly:
The tiny dog has no hair, if you don't count the yellowish-white tuft erupting from his head. His wrinkled brown skin is covered with splotches, a line of warts marches down his snout, his blind eyes are an alien, milky white, and a fleshy flap of skin hangs from his withered neck. And then there are the Austin Powers teeth that jut at odd angles. He's so ugly that even the judges recoiled when he was placed on the judging table . . . Unfortunately, Sam is suffering from a number of age-related ailments (congestive heart failure, lung and kidney problems) and will probably make no more public appearances, so he may have to cede his "World's Ugliest Dog" crown in next year's competition. Update: Reports indicate that Sam went to doggie heaven in mid-November 2005.

Isabella Beloved

2006-10-10T19:52:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling a lot better in the last couple of days. I'm very wary of my current state of ok-ness. I've learned after all these years to not trust my emotions too hastily. But nontheless, I feel like I'm on the road to recovery with my new dose of happy drugs. It feels good to enjoy the simple things again. Wrapping Isabella up in a blankie and pressing my nose against her little soft head and giving it a good sniff, Charlie telling me he loves me, taking Jersey for a walk, turkey buns - again!! These are just a few of the small pleasures that had been taken for granted when I had that big black cloud over my head. Thank God for drugs!

I had a wonderful moment today! We had taken Isabella swimming, (which she loves except for the fact that she had been dunked - accidentally - FOUR times!! Yes four times. In one visit. By accident, honestly.) and when we came home I had a shower. (Because any mother out there will tell you that you cannot, even at the very least, run a brush through your hair when you're tending to baby on your own. Needless to say, I left the pool looking like the south end of a north bound bus.) Anyway, when I had come down from having my shower, Isabella looked at me and laughed and got all excited for me to come and get her from Charlie! I went to flip my laundry over quickly before taking her and she freaked because she had seen me and then I had left. She started crying and mamamamam-ing and It completely melted my heart!! She wanted her Mama!! Kinda sucked for Charlie, but I was in all my Mommy glory! God I love her more than words can describe!

Fart

2006-10-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

Warning - gratuitous sicko-ness ahead....

I'm just sitting here in the livingroom minding my own business eating a grilled cheese sandwich and in comes Charlie to see what's on the tube. He's standing right beside me and let's one rip practically on my sandwich.

I look at him in shock!

He looks at me. "What?!"

Like it's big mystery what he's done.

"You do it to me all the time!"

Which I DO NOT!

He says, "Next time I won 't talk to you for an hour then!"

Like what he just said made total sense to me.

I can hear him mumbling something in the kitchen while I recover from his gastric eruption.

Honestly, what are they thinking sometimes???

Azriel

2006-10-09T20:18:00.000-07:00

Back in the dark ages when we used to have our film developed, we had picked our pictures up and were looking through them in the car. As we were scrolling, we were caught a bit off guard by this little number.

It's the old feather on a stick trick, but make your own conclusions!

Cutest Baby EVER!

2006-10-09T20:13:00.000-07:00

My Fragile Mental State

2006-10-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

Ok, I have taken inspiration from an absolutely fantasticly talented writer.

Check out www.dooce.com - She has given me the strength to try and come out of this darkness and talk about it. Thank you Heather.

I've decided to write about what I think is my anxiety disorder coming back to haunt me. Could be due to post partum depression, but we'll just call is anxiety.

I've been plagued with an anxiety disorder since my late teens. I was working as a cashier at a kitchy gift shop and my fingers started tingling. I thought I was coming down with a really bizarre illness that made me tingle and made my heart pound out of my chest!

I may have to discontinue breastfeeding my baby, Isabella if I have to up my meds. It's a sad situation for me.

A good friend, and myself were e-mailing eachother and this is what I have come up with:

"I’m not so depressed that I don’t think I can go on. But I do feel this darkness trying to suck me down. And not feeling like I can be a good enough mother, at the state I’m in, for Isabella is devastating for me. Like I have a big black cloud hanging above me, or that I have really dirty glasses on and I can’t quite see through them. It’s a disassociated feeling.

I did feel really good yesterday. But today I woke up with the doom again. I’m hoping that the day will get better for me and hoping that once the higher dosage of my meds kick in, I’ll be able to function normally again. All this time I had been trying to pretend that everything was ok. And if I felt the doom coming in, I could just will it away! It’s taken a lot of courage to admit this and honestly you’re the only one I’ve spilled this to. Not even Charlie, because I don’t want him to think that I’m a failure as a mother and wife. After all, this is what I’ve dreamed of most my adult life! To have a husband and a family to love and take care of!

At the beginning I was obviously exhausted from Isabella screaming every minute she was awake, that I must not have noticed myself slipping. Actually I think I was alright other than a little of the baby blues, which I was not anticipating. That is a really weird feeling hey? Hard to describe. Anyway, my time was completely dominated by this little screaming machine. And I cried and got frustrated and wanted to run away, but it wasn’t the same feelings that hang over me now. When Isabella was colicky I really believe that it was completely normal for me to want to throw in the towel. Anyone would’ve. Colic is something I would not wish on my worst enemy. I’m really surprised that I didn’t lose my mind, If there was a time to go insane, that would’ve been it. But I guess the whole instinctual thing kicked in and I just persevered. I think it’s now that I’ve had all this time to really sit and reflect that I’ve been able to take in the whole scope of things. And I’m afraid of failing her. She is the most important thing in my life and to some degree, I’m afraid of her. I’m afraid of dropping her. Or, being in the car and getting into an accident, or someone stealing her from me. I’m sure all mothers have these paranoias but I seem to obsess over them.

Anyhoo, I don’t want you to worry about me too much. I’ve really laid things out in front of me and made some tough choices and I know things will get easier but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m sad about it. I have a game plan and I’m hoping that it will unfold uneventfully.

In a way I’m kind of looking forward to formula feeding, if and when we go down that path. I would really love to have a break in the middle of the night!! And I'd love for Charlie to experience the snuggling up to give baby a nice warm bottle.

I’m so sorry about your breastfeeding situation. I can imagine how hard things would have been for you. In a way we have and will be going through the same sort of thing. Our bodies are plotting against us. When I was trying trying trying to get pregnant I was so angry that my body would not work with me. It was a sad time. I hope I haven’t said anything stupid to you. To make you feel worse about the situation. And if I have, I am deeply sorry.

Well, at that, I will keep you posted on how things are going."

Bad Acting

2006-10-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

How many times can one man watch The Mummy? Charlie's got such a tourch for Brendan Fraser. I swear he's seen it at least 10 times and that's no exaggeration!

I don't get it.

Are you an ameteur chef???

2006-10-08T18:36:00.000-07:00

Check out this site!

www.onesmartcookie.ca

Really fantastic resources to enhance your culinary skills!

The Birds

2006-10-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

Charlie and I used to check out pet stores just about everytime we were out and about before Isabella was born. (I think because we were trying so hard to concieve a baby - we were giving our love vicariously through animals!) We loved visiting all the birds because they were so hands-on. We could reach into their cages and they would come out and sit on your finger and play with your jewlery. Sometimes they would give you little nudges and bob their little heads at you. I love the Conures and the large parrots all the really exotic type birds!! The cockatiels were super friendly and gentle. We would have liked to get one, but it just wasn't a good time.

One year for Christmas, Charlie gave me a gift certificate to buy a cockatiel of my choice! I was totally excited! I think it was Boxing Day, I went down to the pet store and chose a cockatiel. He was the picked on cockatiel. He had no tail because the other birds pulled his feathers out, and he was alientated by the others. It was so sad. He was a pathetic looking little bird. Of course being the bleeding heart that I am, I had to bring him home. I named him Quasi Modo. I couldn't believe how much I loved this little guy! I'd be so excited to come home from work to see him and play with him. He had a luxury condo with tons of toys and interesting things for him to do. Although he wasn't very nice in the beginning, (he bit my nostril so hard that it bled) he warmed up to us and became very friendly and trusting with us.

After some time we thought that he must be so lonely. Cockatiels usually have a mate for life. He did kind of share his mating status with Charlie and I but we thought it probably just wasn't the same for him! We really thought we should get him a buddy. So, Charlie recieved a gift certificate for a cockatiel the next Christmas from his mom. Under my own advice. Charlie picked out a very sweet little guy we named Kiwi. Kiwi new different songs and started to teach Quasi what he knew. He loved being with us. He was a very dependant little bird. We really liked him. Quasi and Kiwi took a while to get to know eachother and really weren't getting along in the beginning. But they made friends and then eventually mates. Yes mates.

By this time I was in the early stages of being preggo. I was finding it really difficult to spend good valuable time with them. I was feeling shitty and sick and too tired for anything. The birds had taken up residence in our living room and had started the habit of screaming for attention! Kiwi in particular would scream until you let him out of the cage. Of course, if Kiwi was out, Quasi would want out and if they were seperated, they'd call for eachother. Ever heard a cockatiel call one another? It's ear piercing! Of course they'd be crapping all over the place and screaming at eachother. It was too much for me to handle!! At that point we had 2 cats, 2 birds, an aquarium of fish and of course Jersey. I was going mad with animal-ness!! I had to put my foot down and say no more birds in the living room. We moved the birds to the kitchen and that's where they've been since. When Isabella was a cranky tiny little infant, the birds used to wake her up with their screaming! I can't tell you the rage that I felt for them at the time. Tring to get the "baby that won't sleep" to sleep and then have the birds wake her up with their squawking and screeching!! I just about lost my mind a few times.

I have asked Charlie a few times to consider finding a new home for the birds, but he looks at me like I'm cutting his arm off! We have been able to spend a little more time with them and to give them more attention that they totally deserve. I do love them, I just don't have the time for them and Charlie is sometimes a bit neglectful of them. Y0u know how long cockatiels live for??? 25 years!!! So, I guess we're stuck with them for a while.

Some of my favorite sites!

2006-10-02T10:13:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd share some of my favorite sites.

Baby clothing!! I love looking at the itty bitty little shoes, the sweet and soft blankies, and the buns hugging, fitted sleepers for warm and drousy tots! But I don't like to buy them!! For some reason I stop myself. Maybe the reasonable part of my brain talks me out of it. They are incredibly beautiful items, but can I afford it?? Do I, or does Isabella need it? Is this totally frivolous? Anyhow, I really love the following sites:
http://www.achildscloset.com/index.asp They have all kinds of boutique clothing for babies and children. I have some friends that have purchased items from them and have been totally satisfied.
http://www.thebabymarketplace.com/ Another boutique clothing shop. Good deals in the "bargains" section. Not like I've taken advantage of them or anything...
http://www.bunniesbythebay.com/ Got to be in the top 3 sites for baby clothing! My daughter has one of the "butter" blankets. She's taken a serious liking to it. This is one of the clothing sites that I've actually bought from! Of course I had to get another blankie for Isabella before the one she has needs to be replaced...
http://www.fluevog.com/files_2/ Stunningly gorgeous shoes! Men and Women! They have the most awesome Creeper style shoes right now. They're mens, but look fantastic enough to be on a woman's foot!
http://www.bmezine.com/ Body Mod site. Ideas for tattoos, piercings etc... My husband, Charlie and I are getting matching tattoos soon. Well, in January, so I guess it's not that soon. We're getting our baby's name tattooed on our forearms. Cheesy? I dunno! but I'm doing it anyway!
So those are just a few of the links that I frequent. Hope you visit them! I'll be sure to post a good one or two in the future!

Dora the Explorer

2006-10-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

Our baby was passing some time in her Jolly Jumper and I decided to put on some music for her. So, I turned the tv to Treehouse. Dora the Explorer was on and I noticed that the characters on the show yell. Maybe not yell, but talk very loudly to eachother. If your child really got into Dora, wouldn't you think that they'd be yelling at you for a PB&J in no time flat?? I wonder why the characters do this? If your baby is preoccupied with something, they'll yell at them for their attention? Or, is it just simply to drive parents crazy with "Mya, the Myasaurus" songs???

And Bratz dolls, that's a whole other story.....

Jersey the dog

2006-09-29T19:57:00.000-07:00

Jersey is our greyhound/blue heeler cross dog. She is covered in black spots simular to a dalmation hense - Jersey. Jersey is approximately 6 years old and is the wisest member of the family. When we rescued her from the local pound at young and energetic 4 months old, Charlie said in his most masculine macho, "She'll be an outside dog. We'll build a dogrun and a house for her." .... That evening she snuggled her way in between us in our queen size bed, as we balanced on the farthest edges to ensure her comfort.

Jersey has been the focus of our lives for just short of 6 years. We had called her our "first born" and had treated her as such. There were times that Jersey got the butcher's best cuts when we ate Rice a Roni or something simularily convenient. We had and still do, consider her part of our family and she has attended relatives various special occasions as one of us. It seems that everyone had accepted her as the newest member of the family. Until one day... We became pregnant. In the moment we had gotten a faint blue line from a home pregnancy test, Jersey had abruptly become our pet dog and not our sweet baby puppy. She didn't know it, but the worse was to come... Poor Jers...

In the early months of our pregnancy, I found that I could not bear her doggy perfume though she is rather pleasant smelling for a dog. Sometimes we think she smells almost like grape juice. Anyway, I feel as if I had kind of alienated Jersey. I couldn't handle he being near me, breathing on me, letting her bodily functions run amuck. Blame my pregnant, sensitive gag reflexes! So, you can imagine how involved I was in Jersey's life at that point. I had kind of left the dog parenting up to Charlie. Poor Charlie was the sole pooper picker upper for 9 months plus!! (I still haven't lifted a turd.)

I try and put myself in her position now and again. How she must have felt so out of place. Wondering why everyone was acting so strange. It must have been very confusing for her little brain to try and comprehend.

Our baby, Isabella was born pink, perfect, quiet and peaceful.
Until we got her home from the hospital.
Suddenly life was full of screaming, burping, shitting and more screaming. With a little more screaming on top of that. Turns out our baby was colicky. Poor Jers was in our backseat for a good 3 months. We had a small amount of time to sleep and eat and then it was back to tending to our screaming beast. Jersey was not our priority at the time. I'm sure her nose was out of joint and probably still is a little. Perhaps a little resentful?

Jersey was a free, spoiled, happy doggy. Not that she isn't all of the above, now. But we had to reassure her after some time. I just think she didn't understand what we were doing in life at that time. She would cry when Isabella cried. She would get scolded when she contributed her own dialogue. - Which she would do very liberally before Isabella was with us. She was now not allowed to express herself in the house! You can understand why. We would spend 3 hours getting baby to stop crying and go to sleep and then Jersey would let us know that the neighbor was unloading groceries from her car and waking our "little angel". What would she do?? She then learned to assert herself by boofing through her lips. How can you get angry at that?

Isabella is now 5 months old and hopefully her colic is in our days gone by. Jersey has been getting back to the usual. We've kind of fallen into our places in the family. Our vet told Charlie to spend lots of time doting on her and making her feel like our special little girl again. When Isabella wakes up and starts sqawking, Jersey runs to her door and waits for me to open it so she can investigate and make sure all's well. She's shown understanding of our current situation and loyalty to our baby, already! I'm very proud of her. She's adjusted to our changed lifestyle well, and she's even learned a few things. Like, "Jersey! Downstairs!" - When she barks and scares the shit out of Isabella.

I think Jersey's smarter than we give her credit for. She has shown us to be a protector and a best friend to our family, and I love her with all my heart. I'm sure she will prove to be a best friend and companion to our baby Isabella in her golden years. Thank heavens we got her those years ago. I can't imagine life without her.

Good Girl Jers!!